One semester per season
Gave a little depression
It started with Spring
So it will end in one
The season of dandelions
And other pollen that make you sneeze
Friends changed just like seasons did
All comes to an end
As the summer arrives
I will leave
Tiny Town
I live in a tiny town
A huge river flowing on one side
A highway runs from two sides
Ancient temples also reside
English-speaking students flirt at twilight
The tiny town smells of old and new
A town I never dreamt of
But a place I dreamt of coffee
And rain and love and peace
I dreamt of hundred dreams
So this tiny town
I promise to not let down
(2020 February)
Getting there
I feel like I’m getting there
Slouching
But the road is clear
The end is clear
I don’t know what’s on the roadside
But I’m definitely on the road
Now and then life reminds me
“You are getting there”
And smiles viciously
Into my scared eyes
Regrets
If you ask me a question
About the regrets in my life
My friend I’ll let you know
That I have none
I have lived so well
I have loved so well
Had it all, done it all
With zero regrets
Do we still smile and write?
No
Attack
“Dandelion, we have come to do the groceries. Can you please calm down and keep it low?” I murmured as we entered The Walmart. The closest Walmart to us is 10km away, at least 40 minutes by bus. So I don’t want to waste this evening when he’s home.
Despite all the begging, Dandelion started into a tantrum. She grabbed my neck and closed my mouth with her hand. As we were entering the huge isles where I could see no end, I couldn’t breathe for good thirty seconds.
“Let me breathe!!!” I shouted as My teeth clenched. I felt the muscles in my legs become rigid until it hurt. All the products on the shelves taller than me were passing in a blur. I put everything that was on the list into the cart.
While he was debating between three kinds of ice cream tubs, I randomly selected one and walked away.
“Let me out!! I need to get out of here. This place is so scary’!!!” Dandelion was blocking my airways with her hands once again. “It’s raining outside, I need to be home right now. Get us out of here!”
While struggling for breath I continuously tapped the handle of the cart and then my right hand began to shake on its own as a self defense mechanism against the angst.
“Do you see this? Is this what you want?” I asked Dandelion pointing at the hand which I didn’t have control over.
“We need to buy everything we need because we can’t come here often, at least for two more weeks.” I was kindly asking her. Meanwhile, I got a call from my mother l, and I couldn’t help but ignore it.
I was struggling for breath, gasping and taking timely heavy ones. She was shouting and and hitting me until we were finally done, got into the car under the rain and got home after twenty minutes.
“I feel better now. That was so scary” She said as I was taking a steaming bath and trying to take calculated breathes. “Don’t talk to me!” I told Dandelion.
Dara
My most favorite WordPress theme
I’m not bad!
One of my not so close but kind of close friends recently said, “you have changed…you seem…well, bad”
While I was confused by the statement, I could also realise what she might have meant.
It’s not that I have changed, it’s just that I have prioritised some things in life. By some things I mean myself.
By bad she might have meant that I’m quite straight in what I say despite the fact that it might hurt them.
I don’t see giving priority to myself as changing. If I missed myself all these years and if she wants to do what my heart says, let her do so. I have worked so hard on myself that I have let other people break certain parts of me. And these parts need to be healed.
However, those who are closer to me know that I have grown kind. I have never been this kind in my life and it’s so effortless. While it amazes myself, I also enjoy the connections I have created along the way.
When it comes to putting me down, unnecessarily criticising me over their own insecurities, I don’t think twice to speak for myself. There was a time I suffered in silence, but now I’d tell them how I feel and if they continue to do so, I don’t hesitate to cut those from my life. I removed a dozen of such people from my life last year.
You might see that as been bad, but deep down in my chest, I’m not only protecting a bleeding, fatigue heart, but I’m protecting my fatigue and vulnerable soul. If my soul needs my careful nursing and care, I’d do anything to protect it.
Since I’m not here to save everyone else’s feelings, I’m just taking care of myself. You might not know, but I’m recovering from severe psychological damage done to me over the years.
You couldn’t even believe the struggle I STILL make to do the simplest things in day to day life! I know everyone’s lives are hard, so is mine!
If I don’t protect my faintly beating heart and the fractioned soul, who else will! I’m not the type of person to give myself away for people and situations and lose in life. I always win, my own battles. However I will not fail in battle for life in order to make yourself comfortable in your insecurities and hurt me.
Im not ready to give up life because you find it comfortable to make me uncomfortable. It doesn’t happen that way.
I’m glad I took time to speak for myself. I’m not bad girls. I just love myself 💞
-ANF
January 2020 (Now I wonder who might have said this. I’ve totally forgotten)
Life is a lie
To that classmate
We met at the commons
Remember?
You said hi
Quickly closing the book
It’s a pretty one
I didn’t say that
We got into a chitchat
You said you are an English Major
And that you hate the MBA
“That’s the only way in”
You said. I agreed
“Same” I said
Before you closed the book
I saw what you were writing
“Life is a lie”
You wrote
“Same”
I thought
The Star Performer
Chapter 01
“Star Performer” is a mini-series about the fate of a young, fallen urban girl in Sri Lanka. This is also the sad fate of many girls in the country in the current day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She was waiting for a car after school in her school uniform. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to do it but she needed money to shop at Odel and dine at McDonald’s with her friends.
She was quite a performer at school. She was a lead in the School Eastern Band, an irreplaceable member of the dancing troupe and was seen at every function at school.
She was also quite famous among girls and teachers. She was friendly and she was everyone’s friend.
So you see she had to maintain a role in the school. She couldn’t afford not to visit the saloon now and then for haircuts and eyebrows. She also wanted a lot of new clothes, bags and shoes to look good at tuition classes.
However, her military father couldn’t afford any of that, because he had three more mouths to feed at home.
She didn’t know the man who was riding in the car. She only knew the number of the car which her friend told her.
She attended a high-class and famous girls school in Colombo. The warden at the gate won’t let her go out unless she is explained who is coming to pick.
“It’s my uncle” she told the warden as the car approached. She got into the car which had dark glasses. She didn’t raise her head till it passed the school.
When she finally raised her head, the man was watching her from the front mirror. He was young and handsome. She had asked her friend to send her a handsome one. He looked like a young Banker.
She smiled with him through her frontward teeth. She didn’t know he was hating the reeking smell of her uniform.
He wouldn’t have picked her if not for her tight girlhood. She was too inexpensive for a new bee, but she didn’t know that.
He finally turned the car to the driveway of an empty building. It was one of his friend’s spot which was shared among acquaintances for needs like these.
She quietly followed him into the house with her eyes turned down. She was scared someone would see her. No one did and she was finally alone in an unknown place with an unknown man.
An hour later, she was getting back into her uniform, turned into a woman. She was not scared or ashamed of what just happened but was eagerly waiting till he put his hands on his purse. Her new womanhood was feeling weird, but her friends had warned her about it.
He finally did. He pulled out a few notes of thousand rupees and a small box. She first counted the notes, and she was all over the moon seeing them. Then she saw the box and looked at him questioning it with her eyes.
“Swallow those to not get pregnant, and make sure you keep it tight down there “
To be continued…
2022 July
(I wanted to write a series based on an actual person I know. I tried to get into her head and understand her current behaviour. I got too bored to continue after the first draft)
The sadist
On a rainy Saturday morning, when I woke up late Dandelion was in a grumpy mood. When asked why she accused me for not talking to her much when he was around.
“You would not talk to me or listen to me,” she accused.
“Common now. Who goes missing when he’s at home? You direct me with those sweet gestures. On the other hand, who pinches me to start a fight when he doesn’t want to see the movies I like.!! And you suggest I to tell him let’s do this, let’s do that!!! But now you say I don’t talk to you!!”
Dandelion was silent.
“You chose him. Remember? After I said no and sadistically enjoyed his pain of rejection, you found solace in his genuineness and care. “
“Oh I do remember, she said. “You were such a cruel person.”
“Oh hello, I didn’t go to work to find an admirer. How many do you think asked me out. I enjoyed saying no to them and I counted them. 6 to be precise. He was the last and the game changer.”
“Alright, I surrender.” Dandelion said. I betrayed your cruel fun. I fell in love with him when you secretly watched him get hurt.
(2021 July)
A job I love
I feel sorry for those who don’t do the jobs they love, or the ones who don’t love the job they do.
Look at you, when you were doing your dream job back then, you didn’t have any additional off days besides two days a week. Even if you needed an off day somewhere in the week, you had to worship a co worker and get her to work for you.
You kept working on religious holidays, public holidays, long weekends and all the days. However I rarely heard you complain, even about your own Mondays.
I mean even now, you work all the time. You don’t go to work but you complete your work whenever you have to, no matter what.
And other people complain about a potato holidays fallen on a weekend, I mean
Rock Bottom
Rock bottom
Is a place with a view
Of the ones around you
You see them the clearest
(2020 September)
Dandelion Draft
Do you think people read what you write? Dandelion asked.
She’s right. True that I get a couple of likes from other WordPress bloggers (with amazing blogs) but who knows if these posts are read by even a dozen?
“Dand, if there’s an afterlife, I wish I get back to these writings and feel familiar.
(September 2020)
Friends in vain
When I hit rock bottom
I was at the bottom
No one reached out
I heard them singing
Outside the hole
I was crying for help
No one heard
Not a single one
But when I reached the top
Through my blood and sweat
They all came to me
We love you
Kisses hugs pictures
Where have you been
Didn’t you notice
Where I was?
(July 2020)
New Year at times of Covid -19
Sri Lanka celebrates its traditional Sinahala and Hindu New Year in the month of April. It is based on the sun’s movement from the House of Pisces (Meena Rashi) to House of Aries (Mesha Rashi) according to Sinhala Astrology.
This festive season dates centuries back in Sri Lanka’s 2500 plus years of history. When we were younger, this time of the year was the most joyful time for us children. It all starts by the end of March where people start buying new things for their houses and new clothes for family members.
This shopping spree was to buy clothes for all the family members and ourselves. The houses are being cleaned, Newly colour washed and rearranged.
The kitchens are all geared up to cook sweet meats, like kewum, kokis, athi rasa, aluwa, rulan, asmee and so on. Us children would joyfully run around when these are being made and steal one or two because it smells so good.
We’d get our school holidays which means endless playing with friends who are nearby.
(I decided to go through the drafts and publish them one by one, as they are, even if it means there is no ending. I do not remember what I was thinking back when I wrote them but I think they deserve to be posted)
April 2020
You and I
You were the bad guy
I was the bad girl
You broke people’s arms
I broke people’s hearts
You had many friends
All of them asked me out
But you were the proud one
And I was the prouder one
You were the mischievous one
Pushed my head on a glass wall
Bent my arm on a glass bar
You saw my pain and laughed
But when you fell in love
You were kind and caring
When in pain of rejection
I saw your pain and laughed
But now that we are married
Our arms tangled in sleep
We two age in silence
Days in coffee cups and wine glasses
Summer Rain
Just like every other Vancouverite we too were thrilled by the idea of enjoying constant sun for three months straight in Summer. Although the first few weeks of it was somewhat gloomy, the sun somehow managed to conquer for good three to four days.
Wearing warm weather friendly clothes is essential because of the high temperatures outside. However today when I signed off from work and headed towards the station, the weather had completely changed. The sky had turned black and it was raining. The air was chilly and was carving its coldness into my bones. Summer friendly cotton t shirt was not helping the coldness at all. However, living in Vancouver for four months, I know by experience that the weather is unpredictable. Therefore I never fail to carry a warming cardigan with me. Even that piece of clothing did not help with the chilly weather.
It almost felt like a gloomy mid winter day. Those who wore extremely summer friendly clothes like sleeveless, shorts and see – throughs were hugging themselves tight to avoid being frozen by the coldness of the rain and wind. The sky didn’t look like the rain was caused by a random cloud that had nowhere to go. It looked like the darkness had come to stay for a whole season. The faces of Vancouverites looked as gloomy as the sky and their eyes were heavy with disappointment and sorrow.
Inside the train it smelled of warm coffee. Most of them had bought cups of coffee to warm up their hands and hearts. I don’t need coffee. I said to myself since it has almost become an addiction. Let’s go home and have some Chai tea. I told myself. On the bright side the weather app said that it would be sunny tomorrow.
But who knows, this is Vancouver
Leaving
By the time this post goes online, I’d probably be taxiing away on a giant airplane. I’ll schedule this post for the time my flight takes off so that I don’t have to worry about posting on time. However by the time you see this, I’d be far away in the sky.
I’m leaving my motherland. I call it motherland because it is the land that strengthened my mother when she was carrying me in her womb. That’s because this is the land that soothed her sweat away when she was walking under the scorching sun by blowing the wind. This is the land where my mother was nurtured by the rays of sun and gave her strength to push me out of her womb.
But I believe that we are children of the universe. The ocean that roared near my house is the same that will roar near my new house. Nothing is foreign, everything is equal to singularity, just like we live under the same stars. Or we are stardust that are scattered all around the universe.
Therefore I’m not actually leaving this land, but leaving family, friends and places that behold thousands of memories all around. So that I will be flying back in the time to a new time zone, a new land, new people and memories to cherish for the rest of my life.
Adieu my mother land 💜 ✈️🌅🌁🏔
To the one that broke him
You must have your own story
A sadder one than mine
I can understand because
Instead of numbers and atoms
I studied people and words at school
Please note: This unfinished poem was written in 2019. (It cracks me up every time I read it)
Dilip Kumar’s Greatest Fan
My grandpa assumes that he’s the greatest fan of Dilip Kumar. This Bollywood film star was born in 1922 and was often referred to as “The Tragedy King”. My grandpa during his life of 84 years has seen every movie by this actor numerous times. Once he told me that he watched “Madhumati”6 times at film halls when it was being screened in Sri Lanka in 1958 and “Devdas” 4 times in 1955.
I should mention that Kumar was a local sensation in Ceylon back then, and according to his autobiography “The substance and the shadow” narrated to Udayatara Narayan reads a memoir of his contemporary actress Nimmi who recollected that the premiere of Aan in Ceylon “which she attended with Dilip…was one of the biggest according to her. Massive crowds lined the streets from the airport to the hotel where they were accommodated. They were all Dilip Kumar fans; there was mass hysteria, Nimmi remembers. The crowds broke all cordons at the airport and even ignored security restrictions at the hotel to see him. Nimmi says she had never seen anything so maddening.”(Narayan 2014)
I’m confident my grandpa was one such extreme fan who wholeheartedly admired this actor. He has a collection of all Kumar’s movies in VHS cassettes, CDs, DVDs and now in his computers. That’s not why I call him the greatest fan of Kumar. It is because he calls himself so. This piece of writing however is not about Dilip Kumar, my apologies. This is about my grandpa who’s failed attempts to see his greatest star in real life.
Dilip Kumar visited Sri Lanka back in the days when my grandpa was living in Gampola. The word goes that he was extremely fond of Kandy and the central hills and he didn’t miss a trip whenever he could.
A newspaper announced once that Dilip Kumar was going to make a public appearance in Royal Botanic Gardens in Peradeniya. Clad in his best suit, my grandpa and his friends (who were then blooming with cheerful youth) set off to see the greatest Bollywood star of the era.
They rode foot cycles on the main road to Kandy from Gampola, one behind the other. My grandpa who was paying attention to the beauty of nature along the road was far behind his friends. When he noticed his friends were going faster, he continuously rang the bell to get their attention. However he got the attention of the wrong person, who was in between the line of cycles of grandpa and his friends.
This man was described as a tall and fort one who was also hot tempered. He got down from his cycle and challenged my grandpa as to how dare he rang the bell at him.
Grandpa explained that the bells were not rung for him, but in vain. The angry stranger was trying to attack him and his friends came for rescue creating a small wrestling ground. The battle ended, when the intruder was attacked by a stray bull. The battle ended with a good laugh by the young friends who started paddling again to see Kumar.
Unfortunately the Bollywood star had left the Botanical Gardens by the time they arrived there. Grandpa said that he was heartbroken and repented the missed opportunity for a long time.
He was not that unfortunate after all. Dilip Kumar made yet another visit to Sri Lanka soon after. Since Dilip Kumar was extremely fond of Sri Lanka’s hill country, he was visiting Nuwara Eliya that time. Once grandpa got to know about this he got ready in his best suit once again, combed his hair in the signature style that of Kumar and ran to the main road to catch the last bus of the day heading towards Nuwara Eliya.
“Alas!” The bus had already left when he made it to the bus halt. He lost the chance to see his favourite celebrity once again. He said he returned home morosely.
Yet my friends, that was not the greatest tragedy that happened to him. When he got home his mother asked where he was all this time and he explained his tragic story to her.
“Oh son are you but really unfortunate! I was walking to Nenda’s (aunt) place by the other road and saw people gathering to see someone across the road. They said it was Dilip Kumar. He got down from the car on the way to Nuwara Eliya to enjoy the beauty in the area. I got a very good view of him and when I came home to fetch you to see him, you were nowhere to be found. So I went back and watched him till he got into his car and left. I should say you two have the same hairstyle though”
-Ends
(Please note: This post was written in January 2021 and by the time this is posted, late Dilip Kumar sir is resting in Glory in the city of Mumbai.)
Death of the Moon
(This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.)
“So you need to end the Noa-dal ship and start Noa-JK ship?” One manager asked the other one.
“Yes, that is what I meant. After the most recent interview and how Dal was behaving with Noa, people don’t speculate that it’s just a fan made ship. It looks obvious they have something going on and the worst part is, the fans are okay with it and wish them well. That’s not what we want. We just want a momentum and the attention just for the media frenzy to continue”
“Did you explain this to Noa? What does he say?”
“He doesn’t have a say in this at all. He is well informed of what needs to be done”. With this the conversation ended between the two senior managers of the music group “Five Boys”
The “Five Boys” band has five members in it. Of course the looks were given priority when it was first formed a decade ago. The boys who were weaning around 20 years are now handsome men. The group made great music but more than that it was famous for the looks of the boys and their lives.
Noa was informed that he had to stop flirting around with the fellow member Dal and start a fling with Jahck.He often got directions like that, which included flirting in public with other female artists in the industry. None of them were serious, they were doing it to be under the limelight, for hashtags and for YouTube channels that spill the tea every weekend. But he never took those ships under the sheets.
The fling with Dal started around five years ago. He didn’t know how he felt about it. He thought they were great buddies, didn’t understand he was flirting, he just cared for Dal. May be a little too much because he was always special to him. With the instructions of the management he had to divert his attention to JK and completely avoid Dal.
This however confused Dal. He was not informed that Noa was flirting with him only for popularity.
Noa was the handsomest member of the group. If you ask me, he was tall lean, had eyes that were burning with thirst all the time. His lips always smirked and bit itself in desire. The curly hair complimented his good looks and the deep voice. His was considered the most soulful voice of the group. It was always his deep voice that was highlighted.
Dal on the other hand was even more handsome than Noa. His beauty was out of this world. If Noa was the fire on earth, Dal was the moon. He was lean too, but fuller. He was taller than Noa and had broader shoulders. The God must have been in a really good mood when he made Dal because he looked a little too perfect for this world. His eyes were however full of childlike innocence. Fans called him the lost prince.
To compliment the looks Dal also had a voice. It was soft but clear. It wasn’t coarse and deep but mind you softer things can go deep too. So did Dal’s voice, the perfect ballet voice that flowed like moon water.
Exaggerations apart, confused and hurt by the cancellation of plans, Dal snuck out of his hotel room and entered Noa’s when the body guards were sent away after calling it a day. He had an extra key for Noa’s room. He sat on the bed and waited with his eyes fixed on the wall. He was exhausted after a day of shooting and his white shirt was rumpled and the hair was untidy. Even after all this he still looked godly. He had glass like skin which reflected under the fluorescence light of the hotel room.The fans were right, he did look like a lost prince.
He waited like a statue till the wee hours of midnight and heard the door unlocking. He quickly hid in the closet and waited till Noa bid good night to the crew and whoever was accompanying him.
Once Noa thought he was alone in the room, he started to get rid of the clothes. He couldn’t do much than a couple of buttons on his shirt when someone came behind him and closed his eyes with one hand. The other one felt his shoulder and then moved to his chest. He felt a face being gently placed on his shoulders.
Noa wasn’t scared because he knew the warm breath that was hushing against his skin a little too well. They had these gestures as an act in a music video and it was originally him who stood behind. They stood like that for a long time until Noa turned to Dal and held his hands.
“Why is this, are you alright? You look so pale” Noa said. He did look pale indeed. His broad shoulders curved in defense and long and lean fingers fisted. Although he looked out of the world, he also looked fragile.
“Why are you avoiding me?” He asked, and his voice trembled. “You cancelled our plans tonight. You knew I needed you.”
There was a long pause that existed between the two. Noa looked speechless partly because he didn’t have anything to say and also because he couldn’t tell him the truth and hurt him.
“The management doesn’t like how it looks between us. Especially after yesterday’s interview. They think we were too close and too much” he said
“You know I was having a breakdown. It was one of those attacks…” Dal’s voice broke before long.
“I knew. That’s why I was there for you. Didn’t you feel better because I had my arm around your shoulders? And I had your hands in mine. We were literally cuddling each other in front of the camera. And the fans saw it. There are thousands of videos out there right now with theories that we are engaged, or we are going to get married”
“But why would you cancel today’s plans? Where were you till this late? You seem so happy!! What is going on?” Dal sounded anxious.
“Calm down” Noa approached him closer. He kept his forehead on Dal’s and they were breathing into each other. Dal breathed harder and more uncomfortably. “Look at me” Noa ordered, but Dal couldn’t, he never could.
“You should calm down right now. Look at me. You know that we weren’t serious right. I know you aren’t well. I see that you are suffering. I’m worried for you. You should see a doctor. Or you can come to me whenever you want. Always sneak out and come to my room like this? Please.” Noa’s dark and deep voice pleaded.
“But D our acting has to end. You need to stop being comfortable around me. You need to get it together and move on. The management wants me to get closer to JK. I was out for dinner and drinks with him today. Media were behind us and I’m sure the internet will burst out with our pictures tomorrow. You need to be ready for that”
Dal backed up in agony. It was too much. He wasn’t sure if he “loved” Noa, but he was physical and emotional comfort for him. His shoulders were crawling and the hands were shaking. It wasn’t something good to see, especially when god like Dal was suffering with a panic attack. You couldn’t say if he was breathing or not.
Noa got alarmed and hugged him tight. The tighter he hugged him, the more relaxed Dal’s muscles became. Dal came to his senses in five minutes. Noa couldn’t help but watch him with eyes full of sympathy. “ this guy needs help” he knew. However he couldn’t do much. In this world of glamour, he couldn’t do anything what the management disagreed. Dal was breaking into pieces. He was a mess and needed help, and he couldn’t help any more.
Noa signed Dal to the bed to sleep and took the initiative. He jumped to one side and closed his eyes. He fell asleep in a minute since he was tired . Dal on the other hand had his eyes wide open and resting far out of the window to the faint light coming from the moon. He stayed there for like one hour and crawled back to his room when the dawn was breaking.
Since the next day was a day off for the boys, everyone was resting in their own rooms for the most part of the day. Dal slept the whole day and ordered one meal at night. No one bothered to talk to him thinking he was resting. But everyone was complaining about his absence since he was the joker of the group. He was silly and did very silly things all the time. He made sure no one sulked and always teased them and made them laugh. They thought his life was perfect because he looked good , sang well and always laughed. Looks like a happy life eh?
When finally Monday arrived, Dal surprised everyone by being in the common room of the hotel suit early in the morning. He wore a big smile, a big sweater and comfy pants. They had a fun shoot that day so he was getting ready. He continued to make everyone laugh and the air was very light when he was around. He however ignored Noa as much as he could specially because he knew the focus was on the new couple and himself. When JK entered the room he got silent and hid in his own shell and tried to disappear. No one noticed because he laughed all the same and the day went ahead well. He knew the media was confused but they had a new ship to gossip about.
Dal’s lifeless body was found on the balcony of his hotel room. It was next Saturday afternoon and his manager had not heard from his since the last night. When the cctv footage confirmed he didn’t leave the hotel, they used the spare key to get into the room. He laid on an arm chair and his arm touched the ground and was bleeding. He had bled heavily however didn’t have a single drop of blood anywhere else on the body. If not for his wounded arm and the blood on the floor, you wouldn’t believe he was dead. He looked like he was sleeping peacefully.
Although his face looked pale he still looked godly and had a faint smile on his face. Cause of death was reported as suicide after finding a letter of explanation.
The day before
Dal was pacing up and down the hotel room. He felt uneasy. His head felt like it was going to explode. He wasn’t sad nor angry. He didn’t know what he felt. On other days when he felt like this he would just crawl into the side of Noa. With time he would feel so much better even without talking anything. He knew Noa’s mere attention made him full and helped him flourish. Noa used to look out for him, made eye contact and gave secret punches. He even accidentally brushed his lips against Dal’s a couple of times. He thought those acts were discreet but now he knows the cameramen focused on them.
Although Dal wanted to empty his head there was no one who would understand. Noa was fake all this time and it was a huge a blow on his face. He couldn’t rely on the other members either because they thought he was funny and never saw his dark side. He had no friends because he was a star ever since he knew and the college friends looked up to him. He had no girl friend because the music group had a no dating policy. Although he snuck out for a couple of dates they were awkward and didn’t last even a week.
He wanted his mother. The mother who chose his brother over the divorce and never contacted him after he was five, and his father was dead to him. Noa who was always there for him was not around anymore. The members were prohibited to go to counseling to avoid rumors.
Dal started pacing to and fro faster. What about fans, can he talk to them? But when the management get to know he will be banned from the band. He turned everywhere and didn’t see anyone who could help him. He spent the entire evening looking far and above by sitting in the balcony. He had everything, a huge bank account, fame, love of fans and talent, but he had no one.
His toes curved inside, so did his fingers, then his long legs. He crawled into a ball and waited till the day needed. Later in the night he extended his arm towards the stool that was by the arm chair. He thought what he found on it could help him.
Dal sang his favorite song until he could not and that’s my friends how the moon died.
– Ends
Note from the writer: The intention of this story was to shed light on the sad lives of some celebrities and how managing companies suck their blood and life out for clout.Although they have everything they are used for fame and are derived of their basic rights. Hope you enjoyed. ✌️
Death of the moon (Reprise)
(This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.)
“Dal’s lifeless body was found on the balcony of his hotel room. It was next Saturday afternoon and his manager had not heard from his since the last night. When the cctv footage confirmed he didn’t leave the hotel, they used the spare key to get into the room. He laid on an arm chair and his arm touched the ground and was bleeding. He had bled heavily however didn’t have a single drop of blood anywhere else on the body. If not for his wounded arm and the blood on the floor, you wouldn’t believe he was dead. He looked like he was sleeping peacefully.”
Noa woke up from a nightmare. He was sweating and panting heavily because of what he saw. He felt like someone hit his head hard. He couldn’t stay on the bed anymore and stood up, then sat on the floor by the bed. He saw Dal dying. To be precise, he saw Dal commuting suicide. He felt his stomach growling and his head started spinning.
Noa couldn’t help the thought that Dal meant more to him than he thought. The dream made him realize that he couldn’t think of a world without him. Dal was not like anyone else in his life. He always cared for him than the others. He served him more food than for the others, always waited till he finished practice at night, wherever they were in the world and he stayed by him all night when he was ill.
Above everything, he made him laugh. Dal valued him and stood by him when others turned against him. He made everyone laugh and happy. YouTube was full of his funny scenes and daddy jokes.
Noa knew he didn’t fake any of the occasions he showed affection towards Dal. He felt bad that he had to ignore him the entire week and hang out with JK. The sad, worried, betrayed and isolated face of Dal haunted him. What has he done! How could he do that to Dal who was so dear to him! Although everyone saw a great singer, a funny person and an elegant, hansom human being, only Noa knew the dark side of Dal. The sad, dark side that was only revealed when they were in person by themselves.
Noa wanted to see Dal. He searched through his private belongings that were not accessible to his private secretary and found the key of the hotel room of Dal where they were staying for two months. He sneaked out and opened Dal’s room. The lights were turned off and Noa looked for Dal in the bed but found it empty. He turned on the lights and looked everywhere even in the bathroom. When wondering around he remembered the dream. The balcony, Dal was laying on an armchair in the balcony in his dream.
When he ran to the balcony he saw Dal laying on an armchair just like in his dream. He had one hand touching the ground but from the moonlight he saw no sign of blood. He kept his hand on Dal’s chest and for his relief the heart was beating. He however was ice cold and frozen, must be because he was outside for a long time. Noa’s heart broke to see Dal like that. This guy kept everyone happy. But now he had no one. Noa woke him up and accompanied him to the room. Dal was made seated on the bed and was covered with a blanket.
Noa reached the counter to heat some water and turned back to check on Dal. He looked sleepy, sick, confused and defeated. He is the lost prince of fans after all. Noa’s heart sank a little bit when Dal looked at him in disbelief and grief. His eyes fluttered fast and Noa knew it happened when he was distressed.
He made two mugs of tea, handed one to Dal and sat close to him. Too close to him because he was scared Dal would spill the tea since he looked unstable. He had to gently touch the mug from his side while Dal was holding it. He gulped a couple of sips from the tea and looked at Noa.
“My baby” Noa said while running his fingers through Dal’s hair. “How did you take it when I ignored you this week? Did you suffer a lot? I see that you did!” Dal looked at him. He didn’t know what to say.
“I wasn’t there when you wanted me. And I hung out with Jahck and made it worse, didn’t I? I thought hanging out with Jahck would feel the same like when I spent time with you. I thought there would be no difference, but I was wrong.Are you listening to me?”
Dal was stupefied. Noa was here with him after a week of hanging out with Jahck. He didn’t complain because Noa’s company always made him feel better. What must have brought him here! He couldn’t trust Noa.
He continued to sip the tea but he was still frozen. He then felt Noa removing the blanket and his shirt off his broad shoulders and kept his head on it. He felt Noa’s warm breath hitting the nape of his neck. He didn’t know if it was the tea or Noa’s breath that made him feel warm and thwarted him. What does Noa want! Dal wondered.
After several minutes Noa raised his head from Dal’s shoulders and kept his mouth on the globe of his ears. “Love me Dal” Noa whispered. Dal was surprised and turned towards Noa who looked like a Greek god with curly hair and squinted eyes. Before he could think anything he saw Noa’s lips reaching his and locked them in. If their love was a theory they themselves and the fans speculated, their kiss was the formula to clarify it.
“Can you love me Dal? I understood the hard way that you are not like others. First I didn’t know that out of all the relationships in my life, yours is the only one that feels real to me.” Noa confessed.
“I promise to look after you. I’ll fight and get you to see a therapist. I’ll wait right outside the therapy room in case you need me. I’ll be there waiting till you get better and feel better. The worst that can happen to us is the agency de-banding us. But who cares! We already have more than enough money to live a good life! I won’t let you feel the way you did before I stepped in to this room tonight. You’ll never go through that pain and loneliness ever again!” Noa made a promise.
Dal didn’t know how to respond. All he knew was he wanted more of the moment.
After 3 years
Dal sat with a group of villagers in a tavern. He was surrounded by a few teenagers and men. They were playing a card game. Above the music that was floating in side, you could hear Dal’s clear and joyful laugh everywhere. He was brimming with happiness just like the thousands of bubbles in the glasses of beer in front of him on the table. He didn’t look as polished as he used to because there was no daily pampering like before, but he was God’s favorite creation. He looked just perfect and happy.
The villagers didn’t know him. It hardly had a TV and even the ones that were there had very poor reception.
Noa was watching him from a distant table with a wooden tankard of wine in his hands. He had a broad smile which was being bitten by himself. Dal made eye contact with Noa and winked. He got immersed in Noa’s eyes for a moment. He couldn’t escape those now. He could directly look into them and enjoy missing a heart beat. He smiled to himself. But he had that boy for himself for the rest of his long young life.
– The alternative ending (because everyone deserves a second chance to live) Having experienced committing suicide in close proximity, the writer couldn’t let Dal die.
Running under the rain
Have you ever run under the rain?
It is painful than you think
Sharp raindrops almost cut through your skin
And the coldness freezes your brain
But do you ever stop if you have to run?
Just because it is raining?
I hope not
Because you have no idea how far you have run
For the rain to hit you and the coldness to freeze you
Who knows what
Asha got off the threewheeler at the rear entrance of the five star hotel. It was half past seven and was quite cold during that December evening. She paid the driver and wrapped herself in her shawl not only because she was cold, but also because she wanted to look put together and not show anyone how *** she was inside.
She then walked towards the entrance where men were having their smokes after the drinks. Asha was first hesitant to go in and look for her husband but then she stopped a few metres away, covered herself to a small tree and took off her phone to ring Suhan once again.
It did nothing but disappointed her once again. He didn’t pick up. Suhan, Asha’s husband has not been coming home since two days now. Her parents who were concerned came to stay with her at their place. The response of Suhan’s father, who was his only parent was that it was Asha’s responsibility to keep him hooked to the marriage.
This was not the first time Suhan left the house after a minor fight. Although she felt he must be cheating on her, she debated the doubts away rationalising her argument with a woman’s greatest weakness, love.
The reason for her to rush to the hotel was not a simple one which Suhan would be able to wipe off. Since Asha’s parents had to attend a funeral of an immediate relative, she sneaked out of her own house, in search of Suhan, who’s the father of her child. Yes, she found out it in the same morning and couldn’t do anything about it until the evening. She wanted to share the news with the father of the child first. That’s why Asha was there in front of the hotel. She knew Suhan’s office held the annual Christmas party at this place. So she had a high chance of catching him there. The father of her first child.
It was soon after that she spotted Suhan moving towards the car park with another girl. Asha was left speechless and motionless. Her doubts were true!! No it can’t be!!! It could be a colleague. Perhaps Suhan was going to drop the colleague and go home. Asha started towards the couple, first fast but then slowed down when she remembered she had a baby in her belly. Just like any other newly pregnant woman, she was too careful and protective of her baby.
Therefore when she reached Suhan’s car, the couple had already got into it. When she tried tapping the shutter she saw a view that no wife should ever see!!! The couple was kissing each other and Suhan’s hand was getting rid of the burden of the thin straps of the girl’s red dress.
The moment Asha was going to tap the shutter for the second time, Suhan saw her, recognised her and escaped away in the car.
Startled by what she saw, Asha didn’t know to do next. She might have probably stood there a couple of minutes and started stepping aside when another vehicle appeared from somewhere in the car park. She didn’t have an option but leave, but she didn’t know where to go.
She came out of the hotel car park and entered a street of which she didn’t know the name. Too shocked by the betrayal and disappointment, she started walking along the road. She then crossed the road and walked towards nowhere with a numb heart.
Asha ignored a couple of men loitering near the lake smoking cigarettes. Although they were making vulnerable comments with a vulgar language, Asha hardly heard them. It’s then a gusty wind blew out of nowhere and some dry leaves seemed to be raining from the sky around her. The dust of the day rose from the ground because the wind was swirling around.
She kept walking. She had never walked in the roads of Colombo at this time of the night, around 8, alone. She heard whistles, invitations for getting laid down and comments about her body. But she heard nothing.
It’s then a random car passed her, slowed down and pulled over ahead of her. It’s a lie to say she wasn’t a bit scared by this. So she stopped. It was no one but her old lover who stepped out of the car, for her utter surprise. His name was Charitha. She remembered. Charitha, who was clad in office attire, reached her and smiled with her.
“Where are you going?” He asked her
“Umm I’m heading home, I came umm for an errand of one of my friends” she could mutter. She was happy she could speak at all. It was the first time she saw him after the break up, which happened some seven or eight years ago.
“I can drop you off if you want me to.” Charitha asked, although Asha sensed some hesitation in the words.
“It’s fine, I have ordered a cab, it will be here any minute.” She responded
Charitha knew it was a call for him to leave but he waited around.
“It’s been such a long time since I saw you last time. Can we sit on the bench over there and talk for a bit?” He asked her.
Although she was hesitant, she couldn’t help but follow him to the bench which was facing the lake. It was somewhat hidden among bushes and trees and one could hardly see them from the street.
It almost looked like it was going to rain in no time. The chilly wind was swirling around. Asha hugged herself and the baby with her very comfortable shawl. The baby, the baby of the man who’s cheating on her and probably sleeping with another woman at that very moment.
Charitha and Asha were sitting on the bench with an awkward distance between them, along with her torte bag.
A couple walked along the path between them and the lake and started getting into a motorcycle which was parked alongside.
“Do you remember I came to pick you from your classes in my motorcycle back in the days?” Charitha asked. Asha couldn’t help but nod with confirmation of the memory. The boy took the jacket and put it on the who silently waited and smiled at him. He then put the helmet on her head and adjusted the straps and made sure it was not too tight nor loose.
“Doesn’t this couple remind you of us Asha?” Charitha asked who was watching the couple with a smile reminiscent of their past.
“Didn’t I put the helmet on you and adjusted it the same way the guy just did. I always had to put it on because you could never do it on your own.” He looked at Asha now, with the same smile
Asha felt uncomfortable to look into his eyes and return the smile and acknowledge the memory. Therefore she just nodded.
“I always made sure your dress wasn’t caught up in a tyre before starting the motorcycle.” Charitha went on talking.
“I also made sure you were holding tight to me because my biggest fear was any danger to you. I remember I kept talking to you because I was scared you would doze off on the way. You would keep your chin on my shoulder and pecked kisses on my helmet and I shouted at you for distracting me. I wasn’t being rude, but I think I was protective over you. I was protecting you Asha, like my own eyes, and my own life”
Asha was tearing down now. She didn’t sob, but the tears were cascading down pass her cheeks.
“Do you remember the plans we had for our future? By the way, I bought the exact car you wanted me to buy” Charitha went on.
“We were so happy together until you called off the affair. I still have no clue what I lacked. I tried contacting you just to learn why you took that decision.”
Looking down, Asha couldn’t do much but cry.
“I’m sorry okay. I was young and naive. My parents didn’t want me to see you anymore. They thought you were not the right match for me. I couldn’t disagree. Then they sent me abroad for studies.” Asha was sobbing now. She couldn’t help but left out sighs of sorrows right in front of him. It was quite ironic how her parents thought that Suhan who’s cheating on her right now was the perfect match for her.
“I’m devastated. I’m so much in pain. I think I’m going through all the pain you went through because of me. I’m sorry okay. If I ever knew that this is the kind of pain you were going through because of me, I would have never hurt you. I promise. I feel so bad for you. Charitha, I feel so bad for myself too. I’m pregnant. You are the first one to know this. I’m pregnant.” Asha was sobbing but softly. She felt Charitha keeping her bag aside and reaching her.
“Now now don’t you cry baby.” He tried to console her like in old days.
“I’m so sorry, I’m pregnant and devastated. I’m hurt. I feel so much of pain in my heart. Here in my heart” she crumpled her blouse covering her heart. She cried like that for a long time. Charitha didn’t say anything afterwards, but Asha felt him caressing her head. His warm touch felt soothing on her aching body. She kept crying but she was also feeling better under his silent presence. She then leaned her head towards his shoulder and washed off all the tears and fears for a long time.
——————————————————
Suhan was scared when he couldn’t find Asha anywhere. After getting caught making out with another girl, he was startled and left the car park. He wished a hundred times if he didn’t leave. He was drunk and didn’t know what he was doing. She must have thought he was cheating on her all this while. But he didn’t. He was staying with a friend these days and he was caught that one time he tried to kiss another girl.
After dropping the girl, Suhan went home thinking Asha must have reached, to see the house was empty. He learned she wasn’t with her parents either. None of her relatives nor friends had her at their places. What if she never came home?
He then looked for a clue where she might be in their bedroom, and in the bathroom he found the strip of proof for their parenthood. Out of despair he got into the car and drove back to the hotel.
Starting from the car park and the gatekeepers of the hotel, he showed a picture of his wife and asked if they saw her. They actually did see her, walking towards the lake street with a look of fear as if she saw a ghost. When entered the lake road Suhan asked every possible human being on the road if they saw her. He showed the photo to them in vain until a cleaner said he did see her.
“Sir I saw this exact lady down there on a bench. She must be still there because I saw her only a couple of minutes ago. She was keeping her head on a low bent branch of a tree and was sobbing.” The man said.
“What?” Suhan asked in surprise.
“Yes sir, she was there all alone…and sir she was talking to herself”
-The End-
One is born and another one dies
One is born and
Another one dies
In this cycle of life
The same day
The same time
The same place
On gives life and
Another ceases life
The cycle goes on
Everyday every time
resilience
What is resilience for you?
For me resilience is trying over and over again for something yet still trying. This process is extremely painful when you stop and wait, but when you take a deep breath and push harder you feel nothing but numbness.
However you come to a crossroad in life where there is no option so that you either take the decision or you don’t. If you take the decision you have no choice but move forward till the destination is reached. If you choose not to do this, there’s nothing that can be done but regret for a life time.
So I decided to move forward, rest when I can and immerse in pain, pause, regain strength and push until I’m halfway through where I need to be.
When I reach my destination and when the time flies I won’t probably remember how I feel right now. That’s exactly why I’m writing this down because there will be a time when I won’t cherish my achievements as much as I should do. At such times this post should remind me of the struggle, the effort and the resilience that pushed me forward.
Watch over the difficult childhoods
An appreciation of the young adult novel “Watch Over Me” by Nina LaCour
Not all of us are blessed with a great childhood with supportive parents. Some of us have extremely painful and dark pasts with a history of abuse and toxicity. Why do you think that is it important to accept such a past and move forward than to suppress the pain of the childhood? This review is about a great novel which provides ample insight into the issue using an extremely mellow approach.
I recently got the opportunity to read the young adult novel “Watch over me” written by Nina LaCour. I’m writing this review since it moved me to the core and it ended up being one of the most loved novels I have read.
The story
The story evolves around a girl named Mila who accepts a job as a teacher at a far and desolated school in the North California coast. She takes the decision to leave for an uncomfortable career since she prefers solitary and expects the job to be a new beginning to help escape the memories from the past.
From the beginning the reader is given hints that Mila is often haunted by a dark past and an incident related to a fire. (It’s better to read the novel to know the horrible past Mila is trying to deal with)
However she makes friends with everyone at the new school. As much as she needs this place to be the turning point of her new life, something inexplicable roams around the school. To the reader’s surprise, there are ghosts roaming around the school. (Yes, real ghosts.)
“Then in the moonlight I saw something outside, glowing and crossing the field, moving closer. And the closer it came, the more it looked like a figure, like how a person would look if a person emanated light.”
Excerpt From
Watch Over Me
Nina LaCour
Mila learns that these ghosts are harmless, yet she’s often disturbed by their presence. However she soon makes friends with everyone at school and wins their hearts.
She experiences something disturbing happening to Lee, her first student. Lee is a nine year old boy with a broken ring finger and a dark past and becomes much dear to Mila. He starts getting terrified of a little ghost and starts to get sick. She decides to help him and save him from whatever strange is taking place at school. Although she complains Terry and Julia about Lee’s strange behaviour, no one seems to be bothered.
One night Mila encounters something strange happening in the middle of the field where Lee is crying in pain and Terry and Julia are also around. The teacher couple Billy and Liz are also watching it with indifference and the reader along with Mila are kept in curiously and anger until the same strange thing begins happening to her.
A ghost who looks just like her, follows her and waits until Mila is ready.
“She was in the middle of the field, dancing, just as she had been on my first night. But as I neared her, there was more. I heard music. A piano. Something light and fast. And then that song ended and the ghost closed her eyes and waited for a new song to begin. I knew it from its first few notes. I knew it from my Billie Holiday record, and I knew it from my piano playing, and I knew it from farther back. And when she began to dance again, I found that I remembered every motion before she made it. When her arms were going to rise, when she was going to spin and leap. I remembered the dance because I had been taught the same one and had practiced for hours, less out of duty than for the joy it brought me. When she was finished, the music stopped, too, and she walked toward me.
Here it was—what I had been trying for so long not to see.
She had my face. My body. Not as it was as I stood there, but as it had been before I left my grandparents’ house. She was me, at thirteen years old, suspended in time at the moment when I had last been whole.”
Mila learns that that ghost is waiting until she accepts it( or herself from the past) Although this is a ghost in the literal form the reader has to understand that the use of ghost personifies her own past. If only our pasts could dance and sing like this ghost does!!!
“This will hurt,” she said.
“It’s okay,” I lied. “I’m ready.”
She took my hands and stepped in closer, touched her forehead to my forehead, her chest to my chest. I had just found her. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. The night was blue gray and foggy. Cold and damp. But together we were sharp. Bright. The pain seized me at the heart, radiated outward.”
By the end of the story we get to know the mystery behind the school and the ghost. Mila learns that the ghost who’s following her is none other than her past self who’s waiting to be accepted and saved. She realises that there is no use of running away from her past and gives in .
The Moral
What can we take home from this story? First of all, we cannot escape from our past (especially if they are painful and difficult) As reminded by the novel, it is difficult to move forward by suppressing such a childhood. You shouldn’t try to run away from the ghost of your own childhood.
On the contrary, you’ve got to embrace the ghost from your past, accept it, heal yourself and move ahead. The process is acutely excruciating. Yet the ghost from the childhood won’t go away ever if you don’t want to see this.
Why do I appreciate the fact that this lesson is given through a young adult novel?
Who else suffers from a painful childhood than a young adult. It is of utmost importance that they are guided through the path of accepting their pasts than releasing hurt adults to the society. Young adults or teens have no way of understanding the significance of accepting their past and healing unless someone shows them how to. That’s exactly what’s done by this novel.
The Writer
This novel is written by Nina LaCour who is the also the author of “We Are Okay”, “Hold Still”, “The Disenchantments”, and “Everything Leads to You.”
She has won the “A New York Public Library Best Book for Teens”, “A Chicago Public Library Best Book of the Year”, “A Kirkus Best Book of the Year” and “A Buzzfeed Best YA Book of 2020” awards and appreciations for which she’s deserving without a doubt.
Dawn is for lovers and bakers
It was the dawn to a new day. The sky was getting ash in colour but I remember someone said that dawn is darker than the midnight. Our main character, Nurya who boarded off her flight half an hour ago was walking down the street with her big tort bag. The river was right next to the street and she could see it if she peaked from here and there, but it looked nothing like a river, but a noisy dark road.
No one was to be seen around apart from some runners. Some of the coffee shops and bakeries were being open. Nurya waited at the other side of the road till one of the coffee shops opened. She remembered it well from her childhood, although now it had a different name.
The “closed” board was turned to the other side “open” Nurya, who was waiting under the coldness of the dawn of her hometown, rushed into the coffee shop in search of some warmth.
She smiled faintly with the staff and found a nice corner to sit. She kept her tort bag aside and took out the letter from Thalia once again. She was reading it all the way on the flight,yet couldn’t make anything out of it. She ran her fingers through her braided hair which was now 30% grey.
“I need you to forgive me” Thalia said in her letter. She remembered that handwriting all from her childhood Thalia was writing letters to boys.
This shop used to be a bakery, which was their stop in between their school and afternoon classes. She watched Thalia write letters to her lovers and friends, she knew this handwriting too well.
“I know I’m dying. Nur, I’m not angry with you for not being by my side.” Nurya’s heart sank once again when she read these words.
“Good morning ma’m. What do you want from our menu? Excuse us for getting a bit late with your order because we are just opening.” A staff member approached her and startled her.
When she went through the menu, what she found out was some latest American breakfast options. She couldn’t help but remember how the bakery which used to be here had nothing but different kinds of rotis, milk and sherbet for breakfast.
“Bring me a cream cheese bagel and Americano, no sugar” Nurya briefly said.
She booked a flight back home as soon as she received the letter from her childhood friend. Now this town had no one she knew since all her friends and family moved all around the country. She didn’t have contact with Thalia after leaving the town. Strangely, Thalia didn’t contact her either, until she was at her death bed.
“I’m writing with great regret I was carrying in my heart for four decades now.” Thalia wrote, in handwriting Nurya knew so well although they were crooked with old age.
“I stole something which meant the world to you back then. You never knew and left the town. I learned that you found a good man and got married. I was relieved to hear that because I thought you were heartbroken. Someone will bring the other part of the letter if you go to “River side Bakers” at around 9 am on any Wednesday in the month of September”
Nurya wouldn’t have come all the way from the city if not for this strange request. That was everything written on the letter. It didn’t have an ending and left her in curiosity to read the rest of it. Although she went through it again and again, she failed to meet the ends at any cost.
She waited and waited till the morning dawned and the atmosphere got warm. She took off her jacket and enjoyed the morning sun coming from the cafe glass windows. The cafe was filled with busy corporate workers and school children. She was running her eyes all around to see her messenger.
She was glancing on to her third cup of coffee to stop from dozing off when someone tapped on her shoulder.
“Nurya,” he said in amazement!!!
She turned behind to see him and almost slipped her coffee on the white plastic table.
“Stephan!!!” She almost screamed.
Almost. They were everything but “almost” they almost made it to be a couple but failed.
“Sit down Stephan” she said when she could talk finally.
40 years ago
Stephan sat before Nurya on a starry night. It was the circus day in the town and she was allowed to be out till 10 pm. Her parents thought she was with Thalia and other girlfriends but she was sitting with Stephan.
Stephan fell in love with Nurya at first sight. They were young and sparkling young love was creating a warmth between them. She was blushing all the while because she was coy, and he loved her for that. He couldn’t forget her braided long hair. Above all, he couldn’t forget the mushy and tender lips of hers when they exchanged the first ever kiss of their lives.
They sat straight on the bench scared by the reaction from their bodies following the kiss. Nurya jump sat on to his lap and kissed him once again. She broke off the chain in his neck and kissed it.
“Can I have this?” She asked.
“Keep it Rosy, what will you give me in return? He asked. Nurya smiled mischievously at him.
Now
Stephan noticed that Nurya had aged elegantly. But the girl in his mind had thick black hair and pink lips. Her white skin has crumpled, just like his.
He sat beside her and touched it. He didn’t believe she must have aged. In his mind She was as young as the day he saw for the last time.
“What brought you here?” He asked her.
“Thalia sent me a letter, an unfinished one. She said she has a gift for me if I come to this cafe around this time on Wednesday. It felt weird but since it was a request from her, I couldn’t resist it” she replied. His face turned dark.
“You never came, you never came to see me!” Stephan accused.
“But you never told me before you left. You were gone when I woke up one day.” Nurya replied in return. Her lips shivered as she remembered that day.
“But you…” Stephane’s jaw clenched in anger but the waiter wanted to know if he wanted anything.
“Flat white coffee with two sugars” Nurya said in memory.
“With no sugar,” he corrected.
“I think I have what you were looking for, the other letter from Thalia. She gave it to me at her death bed and said I’d have a gift at this cafe if I came to it at around 9 in the morning in September. She insisted I carry this letter with me. It isn’t addressed to anyone, since you have the other part of it, I think it belongs to you.” He kept on saying. Nurya felt her hands were numb when he gave her the sealed envelope. How did he know Thali that well, to give him a letter at her death bed!
She opened the letter.
“Nur, please read this letter aloud so that Stephan can hear it too” the first line read. So she read the rest of it for him to hear as well.
“I don’t know if I should write this to apologise you two. I’m already dead if you read this and curse me as much as you want. Nur, Stephan left you a message before he left for medical school that summer. You were out of town with your family and he gave me a note with his address to write to him and go see him. But I never gave it to you because…”
Nurya was interrupted by the waitress with Stephane’s coffee. She looked at his eyes while he silently took the cup. Their eyes were entangled in one another.
“I never gave it to you because I always liked him. He had looks and brains and I admired him as much as half of the town did. I never told you about the note until you left the town heartbroken. Once you left, I went to see him at the college and started seeing each other. When I got to know that you two were extremely close, we had already got married and I was carrying his child. As much as I felt bad for you Nur, I couldn’t turn back, and I didn’t.”
Nurya was trying to hold back her tears as much as Stephan was trying to hold back the anger and the betrayal done by his late wife of forty years.
“You two will hate me, but let me fix my mistake at my deathbed.” Thalia ended the letter.
“I think I should leave now.” Nurya said. “I’m sorry I lived all these years with hatred towards you. But you should also know that you were my measuring stick of love all this while. I never stopped thinking of you.” She said.
” I hated you all these years too. I felt betrayed because you never wrote to me. Thalia said that you were seeing someone new. I hated you but I could do it only for one year” Stephan said.
“I’m sorry Stephan. I should leave now. We both got the answers to our questions.” Nurya kept some currency notes on the table and left, Stephan followed her way out.
“At least let me accompany you back to a bus stop, airport or a hotel!” He almost shouted behind her. The day was fully dawned now. The sun was out and shinning, just like that morning after their first night on the circus day.
Stephan paced fast behind Nurya to keep up with her.
“I couldn’t hate you anymore. You were the only reason for me to wake up every morning. Thalia couldn’t love me like you did, but at least she was close to you. I’m not ashamed to say that I saw you in her all the time, when we made love, when she carried our baby, even when we fought, I saw no one but you in her. She aged but in my head I saw you young and full of life. I didn’t know how you aged. But you know what, you gave me fuel to live my days all these years.” Stephan stopped running after her because he was too tired and panting.
Nurya stopped and held him immediately.
” I can’t stay for you Stephan. I have a husband and a daughter waiting for me to come back from this brief trip. They are my everything now.”
“But I want you to know that I have your chain under my pillow. It feels as warm as it used to be when I broke it off your neck.” Thalia got into a cab and left without looking back.
– ends
Owning up to it
“So you are back on the old blog” Dandelion smirked.
“Yes, is that bad?” I replied
“No but you were going to publish a book out of the old content. What happened to that?
I would still publish the book if I can I, but I realize that I’m mature enough to accept my past as a part of my being and stop running from it. Even if I want to start afresh I still want to own up to everything I have written” I explained
“Okay” Dandelion yawned.
What do we know
What do we know
About the rays of sun
That gently touch the
Twigs in trees in the evening
With no warmth in them
Why you shouldn’t hate 2020
I’m sure you had such sweet and encouraging words pouring from friends and family when 2020 first dawned one year ago. It was not only a mundane new year but the beginning of an entirely new decade. People made comparisons and resolutions, everyone was thriving to be better in life when…
When Covid-19 hit 2020. Even I advocated the idea in social media that I’m not going to add this year to my age since I didn’t use it. Eventually 2020 became the most loathed and rebuked year we would ever remember.
Having had all my plans for the year cancelled because of Covid-19, I couldn’t help but think that it is a curse, but only to see that life just put a road block in front of my life from taking a stupid decision.
That’s when I realised I should look at 2020 gently with optimism and be grateful for the lessons it taught.
And here’s why you too shouldn’t hate it and see if you could make lemonade from lemons in 2020.
1. Simply because you shouldn’t hate anything
Let’s face it. You could be among the many who lost someone you loved, lost a job, had to cancel plans, step back in life or simply keep your life stagnating because of Covid -19.Therefore you may have all the reasons to hate this year. But I beg you not to. Let’s dive deep into the situation and see why there’s no use of hating this year.
You shouldn’t hate anything in the first place. You can’t go anywhere if your head is full of hatred. Therefore let’s try to separate the word “hate” with 2020. Let’s stop telling things like this year never existed for you, it was useless or it ruined your life. Let’s look at this year with a better eye. May be the deadliest storms makes you the strongest.
2.Accept it
Accept everything that happened during this year. Accept the fact that you had to keep a step back in life, or couldn’t do anything at all. Realise that a global pandemic is not in your control to be monitored. Consequently, we all are facing the same fate on our own levels.
May be you’d say that although we are on the same boat, our respective boats are of different qualities. Let me tell you that the only quality your boat should have is resilience.
May be you lost all the money you had or lost the job, may be you weren’t able to have three meals a day. However if you are still breathing, you are a fighter. It doesn’t matter what you have or what you don’t, what you want to have or don’t want to have, as long as you accept the fact that you faced the pandemic and found ways to move on, you are a winner.
3.Count the blessings
Don’t skip this step. A gratitude journal will be never useful than now. Write down five things you are grateful for every single day. Those are the things that are solid and durable in your foundation of life. As long as you recognise and appreciate your blessings, you are equipped to fight through this pandemic.
I had to step out and move around the lock-downed roads more than often out of choice.While travelling through those roads wearing a mask,I realised how much we underestimate the little things in life. My favourite city roads had yellow new year blooms but the people were wearing masks and trying to get distant from each other.
That feeling was a very miserable one and I wished I never saw that. That’s when I realised how much I should count my blessings instead of complaining.
4. Pause, think and enjoy
Isn’t this the most perfect opportunity you got to pause your busy life and look around? Couldn’t you get back to your hobby? I could re-read and re-watch all my childhood favourite books and movies. I could spend more time with my husband (who had a weird roster of 3 consecutive nights at office and the rest at home) I could talk to my friends who were otherwise busy.I spent those days in owe. I sat outside before the sunrise and watched the sunset over the hills. I tried new recipes and threw them away when they didn’t work. I binge watched good old Hindi movies of SRK with a whole lot of homemade snacks and plain tea.
I cried when my husband had days-long work shifts. I worked out for hours and meditated along the silence of the house. I listened to the children at the house downstairs playing with their grandparents and I let my tears flow remembering my own.
However those boring evenings sitting outside and sipping plain tea could be the last days we were idling for a long time till we get old. So why complain!!!
5. Restart
If you could never achieve the most ridiculed “New Year, New Me” this is the perfect opportunity to do so.
The perfect method to revive your mind and soul is to meditate. You can follow any meditation method to figure out the best version of yourself you need to be. Then you can write down changes in habits and behaviours in order to achieve your desired self.
Since this year showed you what you have been doing wrong all this while, why can’t you fix it and move ahead.
Furthermore, you can pay more time to engage in things you love to do and spend more time with the ones you love more. It’s all up to you as to how you want to restart your life.
This life always gives you a second chance, I know because I got one.
Therefore let us all move on to 2021 gracefully in owe for the human life we have got. Let’s put everything else secondary in priority lists.
Have a great New Year!!!
My English Lecturer
I had a Lecturer of English
Some five years back
I used to adore him
He was the dearest sir I knew
Such a view of the world !!!
Such beautiful words and expressions !!!
I left him at the university
And got into a TV channel he hated
But I never forgot him
He gave me voice cuts
For my news stories
On poetry and theatre
I put his face on TV
“That’s my sir” I said proudly
Only to know that
He unfriended me on Facebook
I was clueless, “it’s the channel”
A friend said
Are all his human relationships
Based on his political preferences?
My respect for him melted away
I share my Christmas Spirit
This morning is cold, I’d rather call it the early Christmas chill. It made me ardently go through my Christmas playlist and update it. On top all, my heart started bursting with happiness. If this year has been a stinky pit of garbage, Christmas is the bulldozer which comes afar to dig it away. Christmas will hopefully soothe the pain of this year away; if only you take care of yourself and be responsible for your community.
Although I have a very important submission deadline that could change my life by tomorrow morning, I can’t help but enjoy this feeling of Christmas.
I sincerely hope that my Christmas playlist contributed immensely to brighten this feeling. If you want to be closer to the Father this Christmas here are some music suggestions.
https://music.apple.com/lk/album/amazing-grace/575290465?i=575290752
https://music.apple.com/lk/album/be-thou-my-vision/1112622898?i=1112623774
https://music.apple.com/lk/album/oh-come-all-ye-faithful/267121982?i=267123566
If you on the other hand need a couple of songs to increase the Christmas vibe at your place when decorating, here are some more suggestions.
https://music.apple.com/lk/album/silent-night/1484370357?i=1484370567
In fact the entire playlist of Michael Bublé will do this Christmas.
If you are feeling super Christmasy and overwhelmed with joy like me here’s what you need to hear.
https://music.apple.com/lk/album/all-i-want-for-christmas-is-you/1537186680?i=1537186681
https://music.apple.com/lk/album/let-it-snow-let-it-snow-let-it-snow/724322340?i=724322860
https://music.apple.com/lk/album/carol-of-the-bells/877653086?i=877653101
https://music.apple.com/lk/album/hark-the-herald-angel-sing/267121982?i=267123211
https://music.apple.com/lk/album/mistletoe-wine/904024070?i=904024074
Enjoy!!! And don’t forget to spread your high Christmas spirit like I do. Since we are all in this together let’s spread joy and strengthen everyone else to wash away the fret of fateful 2020 and smile towards the bright 2021.
😊😍 🎄 ♥️
The female melt down
What now? Dandelion asked in face of my long silence.
I gave her my raised brow look. 🤨
“Oh then it’s that. ” she realised the reason behind my double face. I was listening to my slow and moody playlist on my phone. Moody doesn’t always mean sad you know. Trust me female hormone system is such an amazing thing. It makes us feel high or low without any substance. Sometimes it both happens simultaneously. We are at our highest height and lowest base at the same time.
“Have you ever felt that you are ready die in a day?” I asked Dandelion.
“What, you aren’t suicidal,are you?” She was amusingly concerned.
“It’s an extremely strongly feeling, I vouch you. It’s a heavy feeling of fulfilment where I don’t bother about any of my future plans but just proud and satisfied about the things I have done in life. It’s a heavy feeling but that’s the heaviness of happiness I created along the path….”
“Now now don’t cry, it’s just that time of the month messing with your hormones” Dandelion tried to console me.
“I don’t think many can be happy about how they played their life. The ones with cards of lies, ego, jealousy and agenda can’t go too far in this journey. Even if they do they won’t experience the happiness and the peace of mind I have today.”
Taking daring decisions in life has led me to feel right although they have killed me inside. It’s killing me now too. Therefore I’m sure I’m taking the right decision this time as well.
Victims of Covid -19
“I feel so bad” I was muttering the thousandth time rather to myself. I was hitting my fist against the window pane.
“It’s not your fault, you can’t do anything about what happened. And you should stop biting your finger nails”
Dandelion repeated. She was trying to console me and she knew she failed.
“I know I couldn’t do anything but if I returned her missed call it could have helped her”
I couldn’t help but put the blame of the sickness of my mother- in -law on myself. She lives in an isolated area where police curfew is imposed due to rising numbers of Covid -19 patients in the area. What’s worse is she lives alone. With all her children shattered around the country, she was rather trapped at home.
“I don’t know if she would ever forgive me. I don’t know if “I” can ever forgive myself.” I was saying the same thing again and again to myself. Annoyed by my ranting Dandelion spoke up.
“She was at the risk of it for God’s sake. It has happened before too. She’s alone and she’s thinks too much. You talked to her whenever you could and you were a bit busy these days.”
“But I could have returned her missed call as soon as I saw it. Not two hours later when she got admitted to hospital by her neighbours after a chest pain. I saw her missed call and I prioritised my work” My voice broke at the end.
“You did so because you could talk to her longer when you were free.” She said, I knew she didn’t have anything else left to say.
“I hate COVID -19. It ruined our lives even if it didn’t infect us. It’s gobbling us all up.”
I know my mother -in- law worried about us. She had to worry about her husband when cases increased in the UK, about her son when cases increased in Japan,her to be son -in law in Maldives and all her other children in different parts of the country and exposed to the threat. What’s more, she was trapped in that infected area with no care.The victims of COVID -19 are not only the patients who are infected with it.
There was a silence between me and Dandelion for a long time after that. None of us knew what to say.
Love doesn’t die completely
Entry No.08
“So this incident happened…”
I told Dandelion one afternoon while I was getting ready for a brief nap.
“What happened?” She asked me while brushing her hair down.
“So you know we moved back to my house after COVID happened. Before moving in we cleaned my old room. I had a huge table with lockers and they were filled with my father’s teaching material and old documents. That office table was too large for a bedroom so we sent it back to my father’s place. Do you know what I found out there?” I asked her to make sure she was listening well.
“What?” Dandelion was listening for sure.
“I found a huge pile of letters my parents exchanged when they were in love. They had love, they had grief, they had plans as a couple, as a family and for us. Even after more than 12 years of separation the letters still remained in good condition. It was sad and ironic”
“The letters survived when the love didn’t” Dandelion said. “So what did you do to them?”
I continued “We didn’t want to send them to my father with the rest of the documents or to keep them at home around so my mother would see them. We set fire to them. Hubs said we were setting fire to the last remaining traces of an era. He then asked if I was sad.”
“I said I wasn’t. “”What’s with some lifeless letters when the love has already died! You can’t bring that love back.””I told him watching the last orangish traces of fire among the burnt ashes of the letters.”
“So you see, love never dies completely. The letters survived, and they have their children as an undeniable trace of their love”Dandelion said.
I closed my eyes getting ready to nap. “Love never dies completely,” I told myself.
My heart is full
Entry No 07
“Wow see how happy you look. That’s why I say you should see people more often”
Dandelion said once I was back from a wedding of a close friend.
“You are right. I should see some old friends once in a while. The reason why I don’t like it very much is because I tend to get lost in my memories and the past. My detailed memory is a burden sometimes.”
“But today I went to the wedding just because of my friend and because I knew some of my old teachers would be there.”
Dandelion was quietly listening.
“After I left that school, I thought it disowned me. Today I realised that I was wrong all this while. Nobody disowned me. My teachers were more than happy to see me. They hugged me tight and their warmth could heal some of my wounds from the past.”
“One of my English teachers praised how amazing my writing was back then. She said my essays were the best in the class and that she loved them. I never knew this Dandelion. I remember I had very good marks for my essays but I didn’t know she liked what I wrote so much. It however reminded the cause of my life.” I said.
“Writing.” Dandelion completed my thought. She then reached me and hugged me.
“I’m happy today. My heart is full”
Why Dandelion writes dark
Entry No. 06
“Why are you always writing only sad poems?” I asked Dandelion, thinking twice before posting her latest poem. Then I looked at her with rolled eyes.
” Haven’t you noticed that we humans get fascinated by the idea of isolation, lost love,rain, cold evenings, coffee and books? It’s doesn’t necessarily mean that you have that particular sentiment at that moment but it’s a whole other sensation we like to dwell in.”
Dandelion was talking. I was listening in interest.
“Haven’t you noticed that in reality coffee makes you constipated and cold days make your ears hurt. But we are these human beings who are beguiled by the idea of romance, rain, coffee blah blah and that’s why my poetry sounds sombre.”
“Cold days have the magic to remind you of old memories, dreams and dark sentiments”
“I think those sombre feelings find solace in me and try to come to the surface through poetry.” Dandelion finished her explanation.
Neem Soap
Entry No. 05
“I miss her” I told Dandelion.
“I know, I do too. She was innocent and loved you unconditionally.”
We were taking about “Nanda” or “Gunawathi Aunt” who used to look after me and my sister when we were little. She was first recruited as a care taker when my sister was born. From that day onwards, I guess she stayed with us for about 20 years. I say “I guess” because I don’t remember when she left us, or when she died.
What I know is, she is one of my greatest regrets in life… or ignoring her existence and forgetting her is one of my greatest regrets in life.
A large part of my childhood was woven around her. What I remember about her is her petit body and several teeth that managed to stay on her mouth.
She loved “kohomba (neem)soap” and saris. All my mother’s and grandmother’s old saris were given to Gunawathi when they were fed up of them. She would occasionally get a new one for “New year” festival or whenever my grandparents went tours abroad.
Another vivid memory I have of her is, one fine morning she was telling my grandmother and my mother the story of her life. I guess I was five years old back then.
I don’t remember what she said about her husband other than the fact that he was a drunkard. However I clearly remember what she told about her son. Her son who was captured by the police for being engaged in the 1987-1988 insurrection.She went to see him whenever she could but one day he wasn’t there because he was shot dead. I remember her eyes were filled with tears when she finished telling it.
She didn’t only look after my sister, but myself as well as my two cousins who were 10 years younger to me.
Gunawathi Nanda used to sleep in our living room. She had her own mat and pillow. We would go and sleep in her mat until we feel like and let her alone to sleep. I know she work up first in the morning at house.
She was the one who accompanied us to tuition classes. When my sister and I had our own concerts she was the chief guest. One evening when I was too excited about the show I decided to welcome the chief guest by splashing a bag of water on her. She scolded me and went back to change her sari. The show was postponed by half an hour.
I don’t know how she died or when she died. I was too busy with sorting out my own life. When I accidentally remembered her and asked my grandmother about her, she had already left us.
She first left our house and went to live with her own brother. Then we lost track of her and I guess she must have left the world around 2010 or 2011.
“She must be resting in a good place now.” Dandelion said.
I pray that place must have her son, a lot of saris and Kohomba soap.
Sri Lankan English poetry class
Here in my country
The English poetry belongs
To one class
They have English names
They go to English schools
All they do is hailed
No matter what they write
Even if all they write
Is nothing more than nothing
Sri Lankan English poets
Come from a class,
A class of Mamma and Dadda
But the class of Amma and Thaththa
Who try to squeeze in
Can hardly survive
Even if they do,
They become nothing
But bougie hypocrites
When I was 12 years old
Entry No. 04
“You know what?” Dandelion randomly said.
What? I was unbothered to know.
“I would do anything thing to have 12 year old you. True that she didn’t have any sense of fashion or basic clothing sense whatsoever. But dude she was happy and excited about life. Look at you now!”
“Wasn’t she so mischievous? She was constantly climbing trees for row mangoes. She was adventurous and so happy about life”
Dandelion was going on and I didn’t cut her short because I knew she was right.
“You are absolutely correct. I think I haven’t been that happy in my entire life. But you know what, those memories of happpiness and excitement still get me going in life.”
Dandelion smiled, I think I saw a trace of pity in her eyes.
Heart’s Old Road
Entry No.3 (Please read this before/while/ after listening to (Dil Ki Purani Sadak in the movie Sadak 2)
Dandelion was rhythmically swaying to the music. I was startled not by her dancing but by the song itself. There are some songs that are so beautiful that you feel like you’ve known them from the beginning.
I couldn’t help the feelings over flowing through Dandelion. I couldn’t recognise one because there were many.
Faces of my sweet childhood friends, innocent joys of teenage and the youth and love started swirling around me.
Heart’s old road
Nothing is changed
I’m holding on
You are the only, you are everywhere
New flowers will bloom on the heart
Let’s meet again, we’ll stay
The stars are there, there is hope
It’s amazing how one song can create a virtual reality in front of your eyes even though they are wide open.
Dandelion danced. She took me along fields of yellow dandelions in some part of the world. It was Dandelion’s world. Her world was beautiful. Some old and shattered dandelions were flying astray with the wind under the soft sunlight. You would say it was the prettiest sunlight I ever saw.
No breathlessness, no fear of loss
This is my journey from you to you
When you think of me, it rains like a fragrance
My light shone through the darkness
The river flowed like a noor
You are spirit soul
First I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry over every decision taken wrong and every dream went astray.
Listening to the violin interlude in the song, I realised I love that part the most because it should be the music coming from playing the broken strings in my heart.
My sighs were heavy. It wasn’t a feeling of sorrow, but a feeling of unsatiated emptiness surrounding her.
It was then a silhouette of perfection came out from nowhere and started dancing with Dandelion. His steps matched hers perfectly and every direction they looked during their movement was the same.
But now when I cleared my eyes, this couple wasn’t sad although the song was remorseful. Their movements, the chemistry and the beautiful sentiments they were creating depicted only contentment and fulfilment in life.
Watching them together didn’t make me happy either.It was an unworldly satisfaction with celestial bliss.
When it Rains
Entry No.01
“I love when it rains” Dandelion said. She was vibing as if it were a sunny day. People usually tend to feel lethargic on rainy days. Dandelion on the other hand was at the window the whole day, watching rain sprinkling down.
“I love rain as much as I love a sunny day” she continued. “Just imagine, it’s the only thing the earth receives from outside. These rain drops don’t belong here. They come from such a height. It sees a lot of things we can’t see from on Earth. Do you think they see more beautiful things we have never seen?”
She made sense. I was following her deep and deep into thinking.
“I need to read a book” she said in a sudden. “I don’t know why books are so expensive. Even to get a good used book you’d have to pay Rs.1000. Isn’t it so unfair. No I don’t like to read books on your phone. It makes me look like I’m always on the phone. And it hurts my eyes”
Dandelion was sulky. All her sun shine was then clouded by disappointment. She always complains about books being so expensive. It’s not like you can read it over and over again all the time. You spend Rs.3000 for a book and keep it aside. It’s not worth it. But this girl, she’s adamant and sad. I know reading books makes her happy.
“Come let’s oder a book.” I told her. Sunshine lit up her face once again. She wears a yellow dress in georgette. Dandelion smiles. 🌼
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dandelion—Prefix
(If it’s not me, is it you?)
Dandelion was shivering. I was shivering. I am shivering. When I went to a tarot reading recently she said my writing style is “black poetry”. It’s true. There’s no argument about it. If I read all the posts in my blog all of them are dark, filled with pain.
I’m not a dark person. Dandelion is yellow, it looks like sunshine. So what I write is not necessarily dark. At least from now on. Dandelion wiped off her make up with soap. She’s enjoying putting on make up too much that I can’t bother to wash my face all the time.
This is the age of technology and you would be too slow to realise that Dandelion is actually myself. But I’m not always Dandelion nor is she always me.
So I write about Dandelion. Because if she isn’t totally me, who is she?
Still I rise
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies
You may trod me in very dirt
But still like dust, I’ll rise
– Maya Angelou
She’s got a Serpent in her Pants
Hissing yet enticing
A Serpent smiled at her
Without knowing it will sting one day
She was enchanted by that smile
To fulfil the Serpent’s wild desires
She got him in her pants
Yes, a Serpent
She’s got a Serpent in her pants
He made her hole
He was filling her loveless marriage
And dark complexed insecurities
She trusted a Serpent over the humans
Bullied her loyal servants and let them go
Or chased them away
Because they knew that what she’s got
In her pants was a Serpent
Yet she keeps trusting
The hissing yet enticing Serpent
Tick Tock
Up and down
Up and down
Left and right
The clock ticks
The time flies
The sky turns grey
So will my hair
So will your hair
So will our lives
It’s global
This pandemic
Wasted
So much time
Tick tock
Tick tock
Up and down
Left and right
My friend
I lie and watch
The wasted months
Wasted dreams
So much time
Wasted
The clock ticks
Who Stole the Happiness!!!
Where are the writers who wrote poems to make us feel good? Where are they to put a smile on our faces? To make us feel touched by their words and realise the universe!
Where are all those songs which dug deep into our hearts? The ones we listened to at night and secretly wiped off a drop of tear or two?
Where are the books we loved and to read!! The ones that taught us how to love? Where are all those feelings hidden right now!!
Where are the friends who stood by our side over the years? Where is that loud sound of laughter I heard while I was with them?
Who stole our happiness for God’s sake?
I’m sure you have everything you were dreaming of when you were young. But where is the happiness you had when you were young! That happiness, that excitement, that laughter….
My heart sings Hallelujah
If you ever thought people with beautiful faces and bodies make this world beautiful, you were wrong.
It’s the kind, precious and grateful people who make this earth a beautiful place to live.
Grateful are those who cherish mornings and evenings. They wait till the sun comes up to admire every ray of it on their skin.
Such grateful people see the world differently. Every slope they fall into is an opportunity to get back on their feet sooner.
My heart sings Hallelujah for the Grateful people for making this world a better place.
Kind are those who don’t impose their frustration, irritation and stress upon others.
They may have gone through hell in life, but they won’t continue the circle. They won’t make you a victim of their frustration. If you can be extremely down yet be kind, my heart sings Hallelujah for you.
Precious are the hearts that still dream even after their world fall unto their feet. They try to make the world a better place, every possible way. This kind empowers those around them, irrespective of their flows.
I know girls who cut their wrists and shaved their heads amidst dark days. However they were grateful enough to let the warm sunshine in and now they rejoice their lives.
They are grateful they are alive and that their hearts still beat. They are glad that they are as alive just like the morning sun shine.
Life is beautiful.
If you haven’t got better even after all these years of adulthood, now is the time for you to think.
Be soft, kind and grateful like Heidi in that children’s story. World is hopeful for those who are hopeful.
The day you realize this and decide to be good for at least one person, my heart will sing Hallelujah for you too. ❤️
Days of Rose 